Sand Castle! Yes: Wow

I’m in Busan for Buddha’s birthday. The beach is littered with sand scupltures devoted to that big Buddha in the sky. Me and a friend are drinking whiskey on the beach. I get the impulse to make a sand scuplture after a few glasses and begin my work. A face slowly emerges and I notice a bit of crowd has gathered around me. They hang on my every move, Ooooing and Ahhhhing at the sight of my masterful creation. Let’s get one thing straight: This was two-bit art and I’m no Dali, but white artists of all stripes can find Asian appreciation for their mediocre works simply because… well, who knows. A drunken businessman trio approaches and they’re really digging my work. They buy me a bottle of whisky and hand feed me sushi (my hands were sandy). One instructs (asks/pleads) me to add a penis to my scuplture. I cave into the vulgar demands of the everyman only to smash it seconds later when a cute little girl comes over to watch. Morale of the story: Plenty of Koreans are drunk enough to appreciate anything you carve into the sand.

Arm Wrestling the Children

A small boy challenges me to an arm wrestling match. A crowd gathers. I put on a show, pretending to struggle against a boy so skinny he can barely stay put on windy days. I lose in front of the entire class. Perplexed and amazed, the rest of the class challenge me. I beat them in droves; two at a time, three at a time. I’ve got fat kids hanging from me like earrings on a emo. The original kid wants a re-match and again I allow him to beat me after a theatrical climax. Less interested in the truth than his own glory, he leaves class convinved he’s got arms of steel. I imagine he’ll be bleeding in an alley soon, the aftermath of an uneven fight and an inflated ego.

octobersorangeeyes asked: The other day I got my first official teacher's present (well, student teacher) and it was awesome. All my teachers have always said that they get crappy presents from their students and they just throw them out. So, I wanted to ask you out of curiosity, have you ever actually gotten a present you liked from a student?

Who doesn’t like presents? If other teacher’s don’t like gifts, they can send them to me! I get little gifts from the kids all the time and I think its really cute. I told some of my kids that my mom’s birthday was coming up and some little girl gave me a plastic ring for her. Another kid brings me orange juice because he knows how tired I get during his class. Other students are more likely to crap in my coffee than give me a pat on the back so, you know, mixed bag.

bonkabon asked: Hi, I know what I would be asking is pretty much a general question but as someone who also makes a living through teaching English to Asians I'm really interested, so here it goes: How is it like being an English teacher in South Korea?

It’s, like, cool. They’re mostly good students depending on whether you end up teaching at a private academy or a public school. Don’t trust recruiters, they best of them are still crooks. I can say I really love this country, and that has justified all the hoops I’ve jumped through. Where are you teaching? 

xsupaluvx-deactivated20110624 asked: Thanks for the follow! Can I ask how you found me? Or what made you follow? I followed back! I love your blog, you are hilarious ! :D

hey, no problem, just looking for other blogs related to korea to stay on the top of my game. I enjoyed the hoodie shot, lol, Konglish clothes always make my day

Anonymous asked: ok so you're a teacher, i have a question. you are the only teacher ive come across on tumblr, so that's why im asking you this. what if a student a lot younger than you, came and told you that they liked you...would you think it was cute, or get upset about it? i know its a weird question, but i wanted to know the teachers point of view. im aware that teachers/students cant have any kind of relationship but, see my friend is in LOVE with one of her teachers, and she told me that she just has to tell him, because he is leaving this year, that she has feelings for him, she feels like she cant let him leave without telling him (which i totally agree), she knows they still cant have a relationship or anything like that but she just wants him to know, and to get it out...what do you think of all this? sorry this is random and long but thanks so much for reading!

First of all, this isnt a dear jane column lol but ill try to answer as best i can. second of all, just because im on tumblr doesnt make me an expert on these topics. Remember that any old psycho can (and usually does) make their own website.

This situation depends heavily on the ages of the student and teacher in question. If the student is a minor, then that’s really the end of discussion. Regardless of your morals, there are tons of courts and angry parents waiting to litigate.

If not, I’d say there’s ample wiggle room and that your friend should throw caution to the wind. Also, there’s no law against a minor having a crush on her teacher and I’d think the teacher might find it charming if she told him in a cute (re: platonic) way. 

Good Luck to “your friend!”